wishful thinking

where is the color?
coming in later or sooner?
in the festival cheer,
is there room for fear?
let there be no mind,
washed to be color blind.
let it last the year,
each one is someone's dear.

yet another world...

oh that code's not running,
that report data is not correct,
what about the status report...
Thats how my head sounds for most parts of the day!
and as I sipped my tea right now, flipping to the Times of India, I read the last editorial for today. How much have I ever thought of the people in the newsrooms!(the TV almost being absent from my life, I don't even see any reporters) And am surprised at how hard it hit me when that writer there solemnly declared...
"They say the best and worst thing about a newsroom is that nothing and nobody matters more than tomorrow’s edition."

yet another world...SO different from mine

The End

well...even as this rather BORING weekend comes to an end, I so don't wanna let go of it. I seem to want a little more time, to want to continue doing all the boring things just a little more.
and just like after every single weekend I'm so not prepared to get up and go to work. So much so that I'm sitting here writing this crib talk instead of just falling asleep and making my monday morning a little simpler that whats it going to be.
Well the last sentence seems to give me reason enough to stop typing NOW, but then what the hell! I don't wanna leggo!!!!!!!
whoaaaaaaaa!
well... g'nite!

quantum of solace...

Its so strange how we find solace in other people's discomfort.
most of us have got this forward where they tell you not to feel bad about things, they say think of the boy in Africa who's not eaten for 2 days when you crib about the food you're eating, or think of the poor family living on the roadside when you crib about small house or those 10000 other things they compare your situation with, to convince you that you're living in paradise.
When we think that way we how much time do we end up thinking of the discomfort of the person we're comparing ours with? It just that moment when we end up feeling better and move on.
Its sad how someone else's discomfort is needed to make us feel comfortable. "Well we're not so bad after all."
I don't mean to sound mean, but why should we compare yourselves with someone who's not had the opportunity, the upbringing and facilities we have! Its just not a level ground of comparison!
Their pain should be the reason to move us in ways other this! It should not be used to be present in our mind for only that transitionary moment, it'd rather not be there at all.

do not...

do not feel...
healthy, wealthy and wise!
sigh!

high time!

"Together we can cool it!"

Written on a recycle-reuse-replace bag :)

soaring spirits

in the negative direction!
someone please hit the brakes!

to the smiling lady on the tube

So when you just stepped into the same compartment of the train as me, I thought you were quite as glad as me to see the train relatively empty.
But you continued to smile to the second minute of you being on the train, I thought you were smiling at yourself, thinking the train to be a roller coaster and balancing a straight stand was a trick you were trying to master.
But two stops down and the grin seemed to stay on...
And was there all the way to the 5th stop when I was to get off...
All through I tried to distract myself from the constant noise of the underground, imagining why you were smiling.
Maybe a salary hike, or a new job in the midst of recession, or your favourite icecream waiting for you in the fridge, or a party or a new dress you'd just bought or a complement from a stranger or a 'we're proud of you' from mom & dad or a the best kiss you remember or the jokes that your team at work was cracking or the beautiful solution to a problem at work or just a pretty bunch of flowers...
I dont even remember what all I thought of.
Maybe you just had a smiling face or maybe it was just love.
Makes me think yet again how often do I do this and and how many people on the tube are guessing "what-the-hell-is-she-smiling about!?!".
But all in all I think you should just continue to smile, cause in this season of bad news, we'd all like to atleast feel that the world's not so glum after all.

mantra (of the year)!

yeah... i know its not a time like new years or anything to be putting up resolutions and jazz... but then that's what this is about... i did not want to keep the 'of the year' part either, but then just for the sound of it... see don't we complication for absolutely no reason???
well this is it....

'keep it simple!'

variety?

In the past month and a half, I have seen a number of movies... in different languages.
french, italian, spanish... (with subtitles), and somehow realise that every region has a different way of narration. Its stunning how beautiful the and strong their direction is. Its just another class. Makes me look back at our good old bollywood and feel, wow, we have a completely different style!
I'm happy that I'm not oscillating between the hollywood and bollywood... I'd not have understood the lot of parts I easily overlooked or did not even know existed.
Guess art cannot be ignored.
Diversity adds value.

to be or not to bee

Was watching this movie, but did not seem interesting enough to hold my attention... but in the little that i saw, one dialogue....

Would you want to be a butterfly or a bee??!
Do you want to look pretty and flutter about, attracting everyone's attention or do you want to go about making some honey.

well... can be read in more ways than one for sure! :)

Phoren

After
Pan in Ilford,
Onion Pakodas from Morrisons,
Diwali in Dublin
and
Balaji in Birmingham...
who says, I'm in phoren land.
:P
;)

winter...

is here...
when you realise that cheeks are a part of your body...
when tired feet can make your energy dissipate at an exponentially higher rate...
when breathing looks like smoking...
when you don't care if the layered clothing is making you look fatter...
when juice is not half as much fun as tea...
when its time to pay attention to your fingers... (holds true even for the guys)

extra hour!

suddenly an hour extra in my life...
24 hours for a day are sure not surplus :)

is it kill and conquer?

I'm told most victories are like that... People are killed, and the territory is conquered!

But I thought it was otherwise, I thought it was just about the armies, yes I know that they are also people who end up dying... but when an army is defeated its victory. The people of that land end up working for the victorious, the wealth is that of the victorious... but is there need for still more bloodshed?

I clearly see no point in it. There might be suppression of freedom of the citizens, maybe killing of the rebellion, but helpless, non threatening individuals? I was told the old are killed, the women are targeted! Why? What's the gain? If the new place and its wealth is now yours, aren't the people there too in some sense?

I find it something very difficult to digest. Even in the armies... isn't it victory over the mind and not the body. The minute they surrender, should there be any more killing?

for a change..:)

on a lighter note...

just stumbled upon this one

:)
incurable means... curable from within!

wish...

NOW is the time...

and the earth says...

and while you write,
i attempt to read...
the pattern in the necklace beads,
the flow of life from root to seeds.

and while to sleep,
i try to breath...
the smell of love,
so far yet deep.

and while you talk,
i try to hear...
the sound of energy,so faint but near.

and while you laugh,
i wait to cry...
over all the years gone by.
when life and love and energy were known...
when the leaf would sit the water throne...
and the sun would make you smile not groan.

angel

we're all each other's demons and angels...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Time will have its fancy...

tomorrow or today!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

is'nt everything we're doing...to be..tobe loved a little more..??

-all parts of this movie called 'before sunrise'

life begets smile...

I just got myself this plant to keep in my house...

and just imagining it grow day after day, the anticipation of seeing those corner buds bloom... just knowing that there's this thing silently growing, breathing, living while I do all of that in the very same space, just makes life so much fuller.

:)

Teacher teacher

Pain instructs...

I'm reading a book called 'God is dead' by Ron Currie. And today as I read it in the tube crammed between people, holding the book in one hand and the overhead support in one, I came across this phrase 'Pain instructs'. And like the very many little phrases that make you stop and think, this one did too. And it dawned how true! Pain instructs! The lessons we learn through pain are the lessons best learnt. We go out of the way to not repeat the mistake, we always always remember...

But even as efficiently as it works, its sure not the favourite way of learning. But yes, pain instructs!

its been a while...

Sometimes we don't do things we want to do so that others won't know we want to do them.
- Quote from the movie The Village

its been a while....

home...

Its strange when you live in one country, belong to another and have placement of family in a way to make things even more different.
Its strange when you have to decide what is 'home'.
Somehow the 'home is where the heart is' also does not hold good.
I've not yet changed the clock on my laptop to show me what time it is back home. I read the Indian newspaper to know how it is there. My eyes and ears always are alert to pick up something that reminds me of home.Oh that warmth, that voice , those eyes.
Everyday after work I'm super glad to get back home... I'm always looking for ways to make it complete...that little bin, that little lampshade... I'm always looking forward to get back home and chat up with flatmate, cook and eat with her. To get back home and read and sleep. ah what comfort at home...
Everyday I long to be with parents, want to go home and eat food mom cooked... help at home with the chores... hear the family fight over little things at home....
Its strange that they all make me feel at home! :)

in pursuit...

in pursuit of the perfect tattoo design...

I wonder which of the leaf or the water drop would be more divine!

the most amazing abundant things becoming rare,

does make my heart whine

addictions...

So a colleague was leaving to go back to India, and we thought we'd go sit at a coffee shop and sip on some coffee that evening just as a last evening out types. Since she and I were quite full we ordered simple ice tea, and the other two gentlemen decided to try the fancy stuff. One if them ordered a Hot Chocolate. yeah the name of the drink by itself always made me drool, and the site of this one was AWESOME. It was one big cup with this super rich chocolate drink and to just to make it even more wow, they loaded the top with whipped cream(well... need i say more). Especially in the English weather, it does not take too much to convince yourself that you need it. Anyways, cursing myself for all the crap I had stuffed into myself earlier in the evening, I told the guy who had taken it, that it sure look like a really GOOD drink!
He lightly nodded and then turned to look at his lighter and said its better with a cigarette...
and I wondered....
How and addiction can so reduce the value of an individually perfectly delightful thing!
Sigh!

underground

in the queen's land....
i miss the warm hand.

two to one and all is me

when nightmares begin to scare,
and the reassuring presence is rare.
i just close my eyes,
try and behave wise.
and then i feel the hold,
the only warmth in the cold,
which brings all back to life,
and spirits begin to rise.
thank you for being me ...
so close even when farther than what i can see.

rain come again

when the distance is lesser...
time is more....
and there is space for sweet and sour...
when its just us and the pretty blue...
and everything seems washed and new.
do come around again....
i want to again enjoy this view.

" The strangest secret in the world is that you become what you think about."

-Earl Nightingale

well.. not so well afterall

i think the Friday the 13th effect crawled in a little late this time, and it was saturday the 14th that was the 'ominous' day. the day when this brainless moron just thought his sumo was in love with my 800 and thought it would be really sweet to allow his fat car to ram into mine :( :(
though i'm letting it sound a little that way, i'm not the least bit amused. not only is there NO traffic sense in this city(Bangalore) but the whole system is SO screwed, that all you are left to feel is miserable and helpless. its SAD its really SAD that the systems around here make you repent for being where you are. the general belief in humanity and thinking that human tendency is to be helpful and caring just makes you feel like a fool. you suddenly are made to realise that you probably are among the very very few if not the only one who believes in the human conscience and the fact that people have a sense of guilt if they do something wrong.
it is just so bad that now in the middle of it i don't feel like saying anymore. i just wish that something could be done to keep that moron off the roads of the city to avoid killing and something could be done to the system to HELP instead of make a person feel miserable and helpless.

come june come...

should we have faith in june!
or not bog it down with expectations??

what is the PLAN???

so what is the plan?
what do you want from me
and what do you actually want it to be?
are you testing my patience ?
or is it all nonsense?
waiting to isolate me and then shoot me down?
or is it some other way round?
you better tell me something before its too late...
well what will i do?
don't know, but i sure wont resign to fate!

hmmmmmmm

i'm holding my breath and stepping in!
sigh!
i'll either have to be rescued or i'll learn to swim.

we'll talk about the different styles later

grab a bite...

they don't have assistants,
na they're not qualified chefs...
they don't have swanky fully equipped kitchens...
and no spic and span cutlery...
but yes... the food they serve sure tastes YUM!
just visited one of these road side thele walas...
and man! was it GOOD stuff to eat or what.
yeah i don't vouch for the hygiene but i sure do for the taste,the speed, the service and the price.
slurp!
and trust me... the road side stalls have disappointed me WAY less number of times that the posh restaurants.

things that trouble!

• jaipur bomb blast
• fudging numbers
• wait
• inefficiency
• dishonesty
• heat
• dependence
• lack of humility
• distance
• time zones
• mosquitoes
• inflexibility
• global warming

am i running out of patience, or have i run out of it already! WHOA!

(its been SUCH a pathetic day)

sad

its sad how one, just ONE instance its enough for you to loose all respect for an individual!
sad... but true.
and if its someone who you liked/thought nice of and all and all, it just is SUCH a disappointment.
sigh!

i miss

home

pangea day

if you've not been a part of this, you really have missed something.
pangea day was celebrated throughout the world on the 10th of may. it was one large global screening of these really amazing set of films, being watched by people ALL over the world at the same time.
it was one BIG audience.
i must say, it was a brilliant idea, and was really really well done.
amazing is not the word to express enough for the films that were screened. thankfully for all those who were not able to make it, the films are available online on pangeaday.org.
creativity personified.
the idea of getting the world to come together and see and feel what people in the other parts think and believe and feel, was absolutely amazing.
Do see: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CMQLwhwySs

to the angel...

whatever i may do will not be enough to thank her.

WoW!!

if you've been in India a while you've sure seen kids come up to you and beg(its really really sad that they are made to do it) for money and/or food...
but today...
this kid came up, and asked for a book!

think time

walking to places you want to go,definately gives you a lot of thinking time.

silence!!! the court is in session!

last weekend was time for another play. and this time a GOOD one.

we went for this play called 'silence! the court is in session!' an english translation of an originally marathi play.

i think it was a really really well written play, and the actors enacted it really well. held our attention for the whole duration. they made us laugh, wonder, feel sad, angry all in those 2 hours.

everyone from the lead lady, to the village bumpkin, to the lawyer, to the lady who mocked, they were all perfect!

the play made me think again about how easily we form our middle class notions and even if we believe otherwise, how difficult it is to oppose them. how naturally we believe things to be good, and how easy it is to get into trouble and noone will give you the benefit of doubt.

i think we should all get to see more of these.

thanks to aayisha for getting taking us along to watch this one, and a spl thanks to Harish who was a part of this. :)

worrying me sick!

inefficient time management and global warming

power!

well the power of power was made known to us in the last 24 hrs.
us being residents of kormangla 4th block, blore. a little heavy rain last evening...am guessing caused a tree to fall and cut off the electricity of the entire area!
so no power whole of last evening, whole night and no power during the day either. luckily i was in office during the day.
while walking home from work, i saw my area dark and asked the shop keeper 'power cut today also??' he said there has been no power since yesterday!!! and there was no expecting it to be around till tomorrow morning! luckily its here and now after 24hrs and we're breathing a sigh of relief.
but 24 hrs was MORE than enough to bring life to a stand still...
there was NOTHING anyone was able to do....
we could not even sleep in peace!leave aside the fan, the mosquito repellent also works on electricity!!!!!

LOOKING FOR A SPOILER????

!!!

solitude beckons...

another kind of silence...

another kind of peace...

another kind of storm,

another kind of grief

to mr. ditcher

probably haven't spent more convincing someone!
probably noone's made us wait longer.
probably noone's been happier for us.
probably noone's made us grin wider.

when you cant sleep

so when you cant sleep what do you do?
do you blame it on the empty stomach?
or on the fuller heart?
do you blame it on the warm weather?
or on the mosquitoes that dart?
do you blame it on no company?
or on the thoughtless mind?
do you blame the book for not being boring?
or the pillow for not being the softest find?
or do you just let the excuses be?
but what the hell!!!!! the one in office tomorrow has to be ME!!!

thank you

the days when we've had a NICE meal, served to us with care and affection, i guess are the days we sleep with a smile on our face.

thanks to the SO many angels, for giving me one more day when I've slept with a smile on my face.

:)

all we want is all we'll have...

happy feet???????

two feet away from comfort,
two feet away from peace,
swell, ache, itch, pain!!!!!!
sigh!
two feet away from ease.


well the above 4 lines and piece of art are a tribute to my super painful feet(probably the most painful two feet in the world!!!!!!! )

grrrrrrrrrr

i HATE waiting!!!

plays...

theater...

to me, is creativity personified.

the art to be able to make a person sitting right in front of you see, believe and feel what you want him/her to. you have to do it right there... in flesh and blood, without the luxury of the movies where you can correct your mistakes. no technology can come to your rescue here, one moment of being out of the character, one fumble in dialogue, the link you establish with the audience is gone.

having said that...

we went for this set of two plays... Mouse and Positions at the rangashakara last Saturday.

i was not impressed.

They did play around with the lighting, and the dialogues, but there was an absolute lack of creativity. No emotions,no drama, no story.

Mouse: was a different concept so to speak, but just did not drive home a point. no ACTING... just dialogue narration.

Positions: was a combination of 6 plays(situations enacted), not interlinked. no story just situations picked up from daily life and enacted, no motive, no connection.

was quite disappointed. but then being to rangashankara, seeing it for myself how the place(a dream brought to life) has taken shape was an experience in itself.

resurrected

the smell of the first rain,

the sound of the cracking cane,

the warm bed in winter,

the feel of the mischievous whisper.

the light smile they all evoke...

the moments pass and you cant revoke.

but i want to...

i want to relive yesterday...

freeze the moment,

and recall whenever i wish i may.

may not be that simple...

but it sure is fine,

i know every bit of it was and will always be mine :)

SO not done.

trust me, haggling with auto drivers is the last thing you want to do if you are in Bangalore. and its sure going to be a nightmare if you end up in a situation when you have to do it after eight in the night.

these are the times when you SO miss a city like Bombay. where you know for sure, that the system is in place to facilitate your movement and not to take advantage of the fact that the distance you want to cover is not something you can do by yourself or don't have the time to just walk it up.

just landed in Bangalore and cant find a prepaid stand?

car's just broken down and you need to go to a place near by?

getting late to work and your bus stop is alteast 15 mins by walk?

ITS RAINING!!!????

got one extra 2 kg bag with you???

rest assured you are going to be charged 1.5 times the standard rates if not more.

and of course the icing comes if all this happens after 8 in the night. God help you if there is a combination!

:)

thought i could'nt grin wider when i was going to sleep...
but i WAS when i woke up :)

uncomfy!

the warm weather ...

and in this night of unreliable power...

i suffer with a clogged nose, sore throat, blocked ears and eyes that water.

Din!

its like a dark heavy cloud slowly descending on me...

that big heavy gray ball of cotton just coming down on me...

slowing covering me, so slow that i don't even realise i could panic, i just wait there till it overlaps me, i don't even make an attempt to run.

enveloped, I'm cold, suffocating...all i see is gray. everything's dull and gloomy. cant associate it to anything negative, cant blame anything or anyone.

then just hope its just tiredness, and that cold and sore throat taking a toll and probably its not time to frown, but just get some good sleep.

fit?

wont the theory of the survival of the fittest hold good only in the land of equal opportunity? what if you are born and brought up just to get butchered? to who is that strongest chick going to show her strength and prove that she's fit to survive, if all she's there for is be killed and become someone's meal? being leaner or fitter just does not make any difference!
or does the test of fitness hold irrespective of situation...maybe fit's not just physical fitness... should that chick have developed intellectual capability to figure that she's gonna be killed and then planned her escape! maybe ya... more so she'd survive only if she knows how in the world outside... maybe that IS the case... that's the only way species could and would EVOLVE.
thats the theory of EVOLUTION...
fit baby...NO excuses.

nazar na lage!

safed teeka!

too late hun?!?

yay!

its grinning time! :)eeeeeeee

not for no reason at all...

not that alls super cool...

its just grinning time

Delusion Angel

phew!
was just made to see this movie called "before sunrise".i knew before i watched it that it was a regular romantic movie.somehow i was kinda weary to watch it but also curious.
when someone said romantic movie... i was always reminded of "love actually" , "pretty woman" , "notting hill" and "sweet november". though they were all different they all somehow invoked a similar kinda feeling in me.
the strange "not so real", "very very sweet" kinda feeling.it was weird and somehow i don't get too excited about watching such movies.
then today i saw this movie.it was quite unreal. but there was something strange and different about it. it was just about this one day two people spend together. and other than the scenic locales(are always there in the hindi movies... but i think it would be really really close to a sin if i start comparing)...so other than the scenic locales there nothing really in the movie but pure conversations. its stunning how they manage to hold your attention. how you end up thinking, and smiling and frowning just listening to two other people talking. its not even too much action, no singing and dancing and watching some funky play or anything of the sort... its just two people walking in the streets and having a conversation.
i did not think something of this sort would ever appeal to me. but somehow its lingering. some parts which seems so normal when i saw them come back and all i can do is try to fill in some reason into my thoughts but all i do is WOW. strange that something that simple is sticking.i HAVE to mention this piece of poetry that was from it...its beautiful!
its called Delusion Angel -By David Jewell

No, no is not my favourite word!

make your wish?

when i was a little kid in school, someone sometime told me that we should cross our fingers and make a wish when we see a red mail van(wonder why the emphasis on "red", aren't they always red?). after crossing fingers and making a wish we ought not say a word and should wait for a black car to pass. on seeing a black car we could uncross our fingers and are allowed to talk. its said our wish would be granted.
as strange as the whole ritual is, i would see a red mail van and follow it religiously.i would cross all my fingers... two two pairs on each hand and make 4 wishes. :O
somehow was always in desperate need of good marks, some test or the other always being round the corner or just gotten over! or someone presentation or performance or SOMETHING was always there to wish for.
somehow ever since i started working i haven't really seen too many "red mail vans". i really don't remember seeing any in my one and a half years in Mysore and a little over one year in Bangalore.
but in the last two weeks i have seen "red mail vans" every now and then and have somehow been tempted to cross my fingers and make a wish.
maybe these times when all you can do is wait and watch and hope things turn your way, are the times when you are subconsciously on the look out for the "red mail van"...

...

travel: when?
audit: why?
calicut: kidding!
cramps: no :(!
wedding: food!
tension: little!
sorry: mom
goa: dream
march: does not seem like
appetite : lost
sweet: Jaw
sleep: needed
idle: cant stay
gotto go: NOW!

aaaarrrrgghhh!!!!!!!!

Today is SO not my day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yooooooohooooooooo!!!!!!!!

went parasailing this sunday!

was quite an awesome experience.

a very simple sport,almost nothing the participant has to do other than hang onto the parachute and ENJOY!!!!!!!!!

the wind...

the height...

the view...

:) :)

which corner?

and then there are times when all you want to do is wipe away everything and start afresh...
and then there are times when all you want is icecream...
and then there are times when everything is hazey...
and then there are times when the world is beautiful...
and then there are times when everyone seems pretty...
and then there are times when everything seems like one big mess...
and then there are time when you feel its just the begining...
and then there are times when you feel its all coming to an end...
and then there are times when you when u want the noise...
and then there are times when you want to keep saying...
and then there are times when you want to just shut up.

wish me luck!

i'm all ready to ruin some GOOD paper!
sigh!

homesick

wish one could take a pill and feel ok. :(

i believe the non believers when they say dont have faith.
its a little sad to be convinced about the conviction with which they refuse the comfort.

why?

listen...
to understand
talk...
to educate
ask...
to learn
draw...
to express
watch...
to be entertained
read...
to not have to say 'i dont know'

well thats just one for each.

way to go!

headache-chumantar!

disprin...
the best pill in the world!

today was mango duet day!
yay!
slurp!
:)

when the high is actually a low,
the yes is actually a no.
when closed eyes see the most,
and everybody is a ghost.
when i turn to you to see the light,
the water there blurs the sight.
stay put or give up the fight?

passing time?

weekend...
-Dus Khaniyan
-Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar
-Halla Bol
-Laga Chunari Mein Daag
-Wild Hogs
-Evan Almighty
-Thank You For Smoking

:):)
one for each day of the week. he he almost.

:)

and here we go again...